20 Something: On the Weekend, (The Guy & Comming out)

oh my god what a crazy weekend (coming out to family meeting a guy work going good) , as you guys know or read in my previous post on my vow to celibacy till i date a guy and actually find him interesting then maybe kiss, i am also going through an anti sex where i just want to do the cuddle (yea u guys can make as much fun as u wan, i use to make fun of vanilla cuddly loving people, i was like if there was no cock in the ass then its not considered physical).

anyway maybe i should rewind back sunday 30th septemeber

on sunday 3oth of sept, i had a "date" with a guy who just came to my house and after 1 hour of well small interesting talk ... he was a guy with ambition. we started having sex and i might have accidentally dropped poppers in his nose, and now he hates me.

on monday 1st of october, i met this italian guy that i saw before he is a nice guy a really nice guy sweet, tender, and has emotions so it was like our second date, had an amazing dinner, then coffee and a walk, flirtious, .. went back to my home... but i think well as much as he is a nice guy as much as he is mature, as much there might be chemistry, and alot of respect goes to him, but i dont think its not the enough, it might be early to judge but i usually know these things earlier and i dont think we are going to work out

Tuesday, 2nd of october, loads of work, manjam/gaydar hunting... no progress

Wednesday 3rd of october, loads of 20 messages sent on gaydar and manjam and upgraded my manjam status to paying member so i can send more message (how fucking desperate)

Thursday , 4th of october,

Friends are busy, finished worked early, did the gym, sat watched TV, sent another batch of gaydar/manjam messages, no replies by 9ish 10 ish nothing so i was like fuck this online thing and i really wanted at this time to go on date i mean no sex just date just movie just something like that, so updated my manjam profile thinking that i probably wont get a message, then i popped up a bottle of champign, started drinking and watching HOUSE M.D. series, and that was the end of the day i get a message from an absolute hottie, but what was more interesting his message, i am not going to say what it was but i could say one thing IT DID NOT INCLUDE SEX OFFER OR HOW BIG MY DICK WAS OR "HEY THIS IS MY NUMNER", it was just clean decent messages, moved it to msn and if i remember correctly it was a really interesting chat then he said "can i ask you a question" .... i was like mmm shit i really really really hope he is not going to ask the TOP/BTTM or Dick Size question, ... but he asked me pyscological question which made me smile, stop the house MD turn on the music and start chatting with him, drink at a slower pace.
little by little we chatted for 4-5 hours, of which i was totally impressed by it, it was like the cleanest chat i ever i had,

Friday, 5th of October (The Greet & Meet)

came back from some errands at around 6ish bumped into my mystery guy again online casually suggested that we meet up for coffee on a movie, no expectation just coffee and a movie
so it was not a date, and well he agreed easily, usually with guys that i ask for that, they go with the whole excuse of being busy when they are not, or arguing for half an hour, it was just like simple and easy like it should be

meet up with the guy, i saw him, my jaws dropped, i was like okay this guy is 50 Times hotter than me, i am sure he would go and say sorry i have something to do later.but instead we did have our tea/coffee... then the movie..
when the movie finish i really didnt want him to leave i wanted to get know this guy more i was out of excuses to spend more time, the guy had dinner before the movie, well guess what he asked if i was hungry ... i was like wow, then okay because i dont like driving when i am going somewhere far or just not in the mood so i took a taxi to the meeting place, and he offered to drive me home (i was like oh that is nice) he did and i invited to come up stairs and he did we watched another movie..

but here is the thing we didnt touch, kiss, have sex, during the whole 6 hours, for some reason i didnt mind that (i usually do) okay obviously i had a crush on this guy, and i did want some verification from him, and i might have slept and dreamt of me touching his thing.

Saturday the 6th of October ( My vow)
so what is all this stuff about my celibacy vow, that i wrote on my earlier post and what the hell is this comming out, we thought u already are out to ur friends..

well lets start the day from the beginning, there are some little moments that in your life that you feel are life defining even it might seem in significant for others, Tim taught me how to feel, F. taught me not to trust, S. taught me to take it easy. basicall you learn from people and yourself and experiances and it is important to when you see something important that will self imporve you learn from it and dont just ignore it.

so yes i told you friday night i had this dream about the guy, i woke up realizing i eventhough i would reallu like to go with this guy on date, not sure if he would want that not even in my head, when ever my minds starts to think, it thinks that he wont be interested in me as a datable guy but you know what and i know i have said this before but this is a guy who i truly would be more than happy if he is not interested in dating to be on friendly level... and good friendly not the dubai friendly we have... here. because honestly boys/men/undecided/ladies/girls how many people taht you know in this country in dubai that are honest, genuine, decent, respectful, understanding, mature and has more than 1 brain cell. mmm if you do point them to my direction as i am a new person in dubai with not that much friends. okay so you get my idea... anyway this is something i will probably discover more when i get back to egypt... but what have i got from this experiance

there are men out there who are decent, proof i met one, there are men out there who are not just interested in sex, proof i just met one, there are men out there who are not all about the gay scene and clubbing, proof i have met one, there are datable people (even it wasnt this guy who was interested in me but the fact there are other people out there who are datable) so i have decided that combined with my my sunday and monday dates, that well just always turn out to be sex where i am just doing to be in some sort of competitin and the next time i met the "friends" i will talk about how much ass and dick i got. that i dont want to have just sex, i dont have sex on first dates, because well that ruins everything, it just becomes lustious and just focused on the sex and not on the personality and true nature of the person... with sex blood in dick not in brain. and hence my vow to celibacy... and about this guy... i dont think i will write more about than this to respect his privacy and so what of that but i just wanted to get the background of how i got the reason for celibacy.

so that was end of satuday

Saturday 7th of october (the coming out)

okay day dreamed as i usually do about and well got a couple of sex offers on manjam and refused them, why is it when you decide not to have sex it gets shoved in your face, but when you are looking for it like Tueday/Wednesday sending over 40 Messages combined i get nothing.

but then around IFTAR time got a call from my no one else but my brother

Brother: what are you doing
s: i am having iftar...
Brother: okay i want to talk you about something
S: what
Brother: dad is complaining about you lifestyle (my brother doesnt know that i am, gay but he did ask me a year back a couple of times)
S: what, is he complaining about, i am working till late hours so is he going on about think that i am excessive out clubbing and so what of that ...
Brother: yes, he thinks you are hanging out with Whores and Fags,
s: how could he i mean seriously he never met my friends
Brother: i need to know everything about your life, i am your brother and please stop giving me this whole bullshit about personal and not we are family, we have to know (he doesnt know that i drink)
so after 30 minutes i admit that i drink and smoke cigerrates and experimented with drugs
but he wanst convinced yet thats everything until
s: that is everything what else do you think is there, what is the worst taht you expect
brother: nothing is bad, i have dealt with it all
s: you did ask me something a year ago, and you asked because you said you dont want to be worried so obviously there is something worst...
brother: are you hinting that you have tendencies
....
....
...
...
silence for a minute or it seemed like an hour
S: maybe
brother: okay will talk about when you get to egypt on monday.
s: okay
brother: have a good iftar, and try not to drink in ramadan (jokingly)
s: okay speak to you later

hangs up .. i cry i dont konw why ... did i come out to him what the hell is .. i cry a bit more, because i dont know what is going

to happen what is his reaction, okay now for sure he knows i am gay what the hell i am going to do (guys i am an arab for a normal arab family, GAY = death)
so i wipe my tears, without thinking pick up the phone dial a number, next thing i know i was dialling the guy that i think highly of from the meet and greet. he doesnt answer, usually at this time i will feel bad, but i just called my best friend in saudi and told him and he was like why the hell are you crying... and if anybody knows me i dont like keeping things out there open so i am like listen M. i am going to call you back later
so i call my brother and onething to another and i am out to him officeally and he accepted it completely and was supportive i dont really remember the exact details of the coming out conversation becuase well it was being higher than any drug that i ever experimented with and he sent me sweet smses i mean wow (oh and the guy called back 3 hours latters, which well again made my high ever higher)





so here was my weekend started off from being hunting for sex to changing to be wanting a serious relationship to be out to my brother. i mean it was the most perfect weekend of 2007 the weekend of the 5th to 7th of october 2007 will never be forgotton and is a memory burnt in my head, this is my coming out weekend. this is the new me. this is giong to be less of a slut boy and more of a mature man. after years of fighting the fact of wanting to be 18 forever and in university for ever, i am not glad that i am 24 and heading to my mid twenties and now want to be here forever (not going to hit 30!!!!)

thats my story....
S.