20 Something: On the Male Hormones

GOD.... i mean seriously god why did you create us with feelings and hormones and emotions and all that stuff... honest to you GOD, i wouldnt mind if this world just happy emotions happy hormones, 24 hour high, why can we not be 24 hours high!!!!

okay obvisoiuly if we were all the time high then how will we know we are happy .. again as happyness is a relative thing, i feel happy today because i feel better than last night.. i feel sad today because it was not as good as last night... so even if we were 24/7/365 happy, there are days where we would be less happy than others, which is well defined as sad... oh then by my logic we are always happy its just different degrees of happines we have ...


today, rather tonight 4 AM Dubai time, and came to saudi actually 8 hours back so its 3AM where i am right now and guess what i went out for a run around my compound, in my attempt of weight loss and muscle gaining and playing abs and so what of that i mean who doesnt want to look good, we all do and so do i... but the question how hard do we want and are we really motivated about doing it.... i have for more than 3 years been a regular visitor of the gym maybe thats the only reason why i am not over 100KGS .. but during these years i never been dedicated to its so i will go two months and one month not, or something like that, i would eat a pizza when i am done, no real decipline, however now i am changing that i have decided that i am for real going to have to do it this time, i am not going to make excuses, even if i dont my gym next to me i can do things, in cairo i can run around zamalik island, in saudi around my compound in dubai well god bless abundance of good quality gyms, that have even a steam room with hot men to motivate you to go....

so far i have been ranting about and havent really said anything about what the topic is which is the male hormones, more like my hormonal stage, fuck the rest of you men, its me who is important... (ok i take it back but come on, lets admit i am hot the world revolves around me) ...
ask any my friends i go through something what i used to call my "period", where it was just well when i was like 20-23 a period of a week that happens every bi/tri month where i get too emotional, here is the thing i was the kind of guy who would get sex on weekly or bi-weekly basis easily ,..,.. during this period of emotions, i get all like not lonely but how do you say this i think fuzzy, very lovey dovey, i dont konw whats gets into me but i am more into like artistic stuff, love the music start listening to alternative or ones with really good lyrics and anaylize them .... lately from 23-till now (past year and half ... yes that makes me 24 and a couple of months) this "period" started taking more time, more than a week, a month or more and well the last one has been giong on for now almost mmm lets say two weeks before i met Mr.W.D. so that will make it 21 september and today is the 20th fuck its almost two months now, the thing is yes i do have casual sex because in the last two month i did sleep with
1) Mr. Poppers (i was making him sniff poppers and accidentally got it spilled in his nose and so it got a bit burnt)
2) Mr. Italian (we went out i think for two dates, it was nice but i dont know it wasnt really... i dont know, no butterflies in my stomach )
3) Mr. CANNOT EVEN HINT, it just too bad all i can say i was drunk
4) Mr. Loco Gym Boi
5) Mr. Runner
okay so yea 5 guys in two month is not bad and well the problem is usually the regular me who is not on his emotional period would just consider these execept for number 3 as regular fucks and just keep continuing and having fun and not caring .... instead me in period is partying it up and here is the kicker while i am in a party i would day dream about someone or something and create a make-belief fantasy that only exists in my head and its becoming annoying that i am creating all these make-belief fantasies that i know that possibility of them becoming true equals negative infintie ... but at the moment all i have is my fantasies
NO SLAP MYSELF!!! see thats why i hate hormones it makes you wierd and say all those wierd things and the worst part of all parts when i had some of my co-workers in Dubai and even the one who dont see me on day -to day basis in Egypt and Saudi has been asking me
"S, what is wrong with you, are you ok?!!"
and they would repeat twice when i keep saying fuck yes i am okay they came up with some fucked up theory that i am in love !!!
i mean sersiously shouldnt there be someone out there i am dating first before i am in love !!!
well anyway appearantly according to work people that i have a secret girlfriend and who i am having some trouble with because i travel alot...
i am the kind of person who never cared about rumors as long as they dont hurt me, but this is just annoying i mean why would some keep asking me if i am okay even if i said i am ... i mean is their something written on my forehead saying
"Single, Hormonal, Having his Period Gay MAN",
okay maybe i know the real reason i am feeling extra hormonal nowadays however that i cant write now i need to wait a while before i can maybe it will be in one of my confessions that madonna can write as a song


Single Gay Boi,
S.

20 Something: on the experiment

oh well, yes it might seem desperate putting the on manjam and gaydar,,, but appearantly SEX SELLS and thats the only way i am getting people in,

prior to naked picture, would have my profile online for like two days and no messages,

after naked picture, would have my profile online for a few hours ... and will get messages but really nonee of which are interested they are all just asking for some sex in some wierd position most messages i get are like follows

"hey i am 1 am 39 year old top, would like to make friends and relation with you"
or
"hey do you want to fuck me"
and the best part most of the guys who send the messages dont even have their own pictures on their profile and when they do its mostly either some twinkish not so good looking boy or some reallllyy old not so good looking guy, and yes i am shallow if they are going to invite me to sex at least be sexualy my type and read my profile.

i feel naked picture really distracts people from reading my profile ... oh well i am giving it another week for the experiment and see what really happens

but at the end of the day so far a week or so has passed and really results are not what i was looking for... so naked picture or not i guess it doesnt really make a difference


Naked S.

20 something: the experiment

i decided for the fun of it, why not try to add a nude picture but not showing any parts on manjam and gaydar and see if i would get more responces...

i am betting 100 Dollars that i will ,,, anyone will to join the bet,

20 Something: After Dark Thoughts

o well really couldnt think of a title againa other than the fact of after dark, i am writin this blog at 2am while i cant really get anny sleep .... just thinking of a random of thoughts... one i thinki ran out of men to message on gaydar and manjam, i think i need to find an alternate means of finding ways of meeting men,... but it just strike me why do i want to meet men, why do i just want to date... am i becoming desperate ?... well no not really... i know desperation.. i have been there before,, i am just well i dont know... i just want a proper date... i am 24... and i have been all over the place, had a wonderful life till now.. great friends... i slept with over a 100 guys ... so sex isnt really the first thing that jumps into my mind i am just well 24 and have not been in a proper relationship, or as a matter of fact i dont have someone to call my own...

to be honest i think the fact of that is destroying my ego... am undatable? the thing i know thats not true, i had a lot of guys who wanted to date me, but i felt its was just for the wrong reasons, one they are not only relationship addicts, the guys who wanted to date me are guys who had as many relationships as their fucks and they are probably to justify their sex with the guy, but look also decent by just jumpin from one to another... and i dont to be involved with that...

so yes i am datable. i am great on paper, i will give myself a 7/10 in terms of looks which means yes i am okay looking not supper hot but okay.... i have sex appeal also, personality wise i am funny in a sarcastic way, work wise... well lets just say i have a secure life, so i guess yes i am datable on paper... but about when it goes to the proper date... i am afraid that i dont think i have the skills of dating or whatever it is called, that i slept with two many guys that the only skill i have is to how to get a guy in bed...`but what if i want to get a guy interested in me mentally, is there something i should do... well i believe not... i believe i should be the way i am... and if the guy is interested then well he is interested , if not he is not... however i feel there is hidden art to dating... and i am not talking about the whole rules (which i also dont believe in) when to call it, playing hard to get, waiting for an amount of time to sms.... i believe in the free spirit that i should do what ever i like when ever i like with out pretending to be playing some gay ... but probably that is my problem, that i am going by my belief and well... my belief is based on psychology... the crazy boy pysch... not the rational guy pysch... not how i act will affect him....


oh well thats my midnight thoughts,,, oh and by the way .. just to avoid confusion to readers this is not in regards to Mr.W.D. but rather to me in general, we are off Mr.W.D... (he is in the friend zone)... there is a guy i am going on a date on monday he shall be called Mr. Sweet... will see how does that go.

20 Something: David Vendetta - Bleeding Hearts

Cant really think of what to write so i will let the music talk.... this is one of my favourite songs at the moment... bleeding hearts


We meet for a moment and then it's goodbye
but I just lived a lifetime with you in my mind

what would it be to live in your world
if you were my boy and I was your girl

it's crazy this spell you have me under
I know it can't be but I'll always wonder

what would my life be living in your arms
I feel I'll never know
and what would you say
if I were to stayand just go your way

this is where you lose your mind
and just let your heart unwind
you're blind don't lose control
you're mine don't lose it all

we meet for a moment and then it's goodbye
but I just lived a lifetime with you in my mind

what would it be to live in your world
if you were my boy and i was your girl

it's crazy this spell you have me under
I know it can't be but I'll always wonder

what would my life be living in your arms
I feel I'll never know
and what would you say
if I were to stayand just go your way

Could you fill in the blanks in my story
tell me what I'm missing what you could be for me
what would I find if I followed your path
all the things I long for that ive never had

it's crazy this spell you have me under
I know it can't be but I'll always wonder

what would my life be living in your arms
I feel I'll never know
and what would you say
if I were to stayand just go your way(2)

20 something: breakthrough

oh okay so how do i say this... MR. HIM, MR. HE has read my blog, dont konw if he would actually read it repeatadly but he did read it.. ... how did that happen?!?!?!?

Side bar note // so far i think i have only guy leaving comments on my blogs, mohamed, (thanks by the way) i do recomend others to leave notes

anyway how did this start... i think the weekend was pretty normal for me... went out with friends for shisha, and a game of cards (I LOVE TO PLAY CARDS).. and while i was just toying i think i send him an sms and get a quick responce.. my str8 friends say a flicker of a smile on my face,,, they are like whats up ... i am like its him, for some reason most of my friends str8 or gay oor even brother knows of his name... okay brother different story, i didnt want to show him i am slut who slept around, and that i easily get dumped so when i came out to him the a day after i met him i told him that i am dating someone which was a complete lie so i just used the first name that popped in my head and well yea it was him of course... i konw its pretty pathetic... BUT TELL ME YOU NEVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION BEFORE!!!

anyway the next day he was online, i actually was kinda expecting it, i see him online more often on fridays and saturdays than on the weekdays, so we chatted for a while, then more of a while then i think its just hit me i am getting more comfortable with this guy in a friendly way... and well i have this major flaw, i think ommiting the truth is lying and i hate all forms of lying... anyway so i had to elaborately drop in hey i kinda have/had a crush on you.. but then he brought up the opprirtunity talking about some guy and he doesnt understand why is he so into him so i dropped in hey i can relate because i think almost the same, etc....
but then i think i did something very stupid i got carried away and gave him the link to this blog!!!
all that was going through my head then is shit shit shit shit ... i mean on msn yea i said that hey i think i use to like you but my blog lately has been a total dedication to him he is ggoing to think i am some sort of stalker and want nothing to do with me... so i gave a him a little of warnings.. that it might come off as strong but not to look to much into it ...

he was like cool he will read it later, since he was going out that night, again in my head FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT i am going to have to wait ... and you guys have no idea how much of a nerve racking experiance it is literally i didnt know what the hell to do, so i did what my old self does best when understress..... have sex.
okay msn... who to choose for tonight... oh hey there is an interesting one... so i meet with this on this way to see this new character lets him Mr. Plant (trust me there is an interesting reason behind this name but well another time) ... so we meet up and promised we go for a run around one of the clubs of egypt, then end up in the locker having oralsex... the problem was during all of it iwas thinking of the guy who was sucking me off rather i was thinking of him... NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY but like on the way to see the guy i was messaging him, while i was running i was sending him a message, something about him having a crapy night out ... and now that i was in the middle of the blowjob .. i just wanted to tell the guy do you mind if i send smses during it!!! lol okay that didnt work... not to say the sex was really not good and didnt help a bit...
so the night has passed and he hasnt read the blog ... i could hardly get any sleep ... its just i have over a trillion scenarios going at the speed of light in my head at once. i dont know what to think what to do ... or more like what he would do
so called on my best friends AK, and he told me S, to be realistic i think you tried everything to ruin you friendship with him and him reading that might really scare him off, if i did read that i would get scared... i was like damn you are so re-assuring, AK, was like i just dont want you to get your hopes high or something like that everything was a real blur...

so here are the sceanrios in my head
1) he will get scared and run as far as way from me and not respond back
2) he will tell me S, i am flattered but i dont think i can continue to see you ... you are just too dramatic for me
3) hey s, its okay ,,, we are still friends
4) hey s, oh i feel the same way about you lets move in together and have our babies together
5) hey s, do you want to meet on the beach under the moon when you back in dubai so we can talk about this
6) HOW THE HELL DO YOU DARE WRITE ABOUT ME ONLINE WITH OUT MY PREMISSION

do you guys follow
anyway i finally get some sleep and wake up early morning traveling to alexandria, i am like okay no sms from him yet, did he read when he came back late night last night
did he wake up and read it... so i send some message which did not say anything about the blog, but the reason i am sending the sms to check if he is alive, got a responce back, then after the responce got another saying by the way still didnt read the blog... i was like good so he figured out i am toying around to know if he did read it... i am like oh what if he read it and he doesnt want say something so say that he didnt read it ... but thats not him... oh well

so later on while i am shopping with my mom in alexandria i message him again with someother excuse,,, he didnt mention anything about the blog,

then i am in the trainstation two hours later i am like hey listen i am a bit of psyco and worried.. and send you a lot of texts disgused to know if you read the blog,.. he responds back "getting a cup of tea and about read them"
thats the last thing i got for about an hour
or two
i dont know it felt like an eternity the whole 24 hours since i gave him the link felt like a week,

okay so an hour later i got an sms
"Get your ass on msn now!!!" i freaked out
i was like okay its a responce but the hell am i suppose to do i was on the train my heart skipped like 10 beats , i replied back saying cant on the train will call you in a miute ,

then while i was dialing him from egyptian phone i got a responce on my uae number. " you wont loose as friend" .............. oh now i feel relaxed

i am actually super glad, after finishing the call with him, called AK, and told AK see i told you that this guy is different, unlike you running away, might i remind you AK i did flirt with you a couple of times both sexually and emotionally three years ago but you never ranway :) :)


now that me and him are in the friendship zone i guess he deserves a nick name Mr. W.D.

so now that i am thinking about what happened during the course of a month oh and by the way 5th of november is going to be 1 month since i actually met him, but i am like thinking glad to make new friends in dubai, unlike my shallows ones that i do have with like zillions of guys ... but i also keep thinking what if there a romantic date... oh well there is alot what if...


Guys,
till next post,
it could be about Mr. W.D or some guy that i go on a date with dont know...


S.

20 Something: An Email to him

Post Deleted, as i might have given him the link to my other blog " The Gay Chronicles"
http://thegaycrhonicles.blogspot.com/, just got to scared if he actually might find it