20 Something: On Discussions with myself

Ok you must be lucky two blogs in one day!!! i am so in the mood of writing partly because i usually write when i down or confused or just not feeling right. and right now i am ultra confused and for the first time not about what a guy thinks but what about i think. let me introduce you to my method of my thinking right i am going to type everything in my head, i will write about discussions with my self. i guess my two gemini twins are having an arguement

if you have been following my blogs for a while you would have known in the past three weeks alot has happened for me, decision to drink less decision to stop one night stands and date people and meeting HIM. and after i met him things have been a bit wierd for me.

started off with a crush on him and total infatuation from just a one meet and greet, to knowing that he is not ready to date at the moment for personal reason i dont wish to expose. then to having another chat with him after waiting two weeks for him to pop up online

we men or particularly me, could be so stupid when it comes to men, i mean who do you know that would log in daily at certain times to check to see if he is online just to get a chance to chat with him for a week, if it was any other guys in my shoes they would have probably just forgotten all about it by now... but not me!!! why do i that i dont understand, isnt becuase i am incapable of controlling myself or my emotions or my acts? maybe...

so yes we had a nice chat today, and as i mentioned in todays earlier blog that this guy is well i dont know how to say other than perfect on paper... the only question remaining is he for me, is their chemistry, will me and him ever go on a date or just be friends ... or even worse... just phase out. well from his side its clear he is interested in the friendship zone. which to me makes perfect sense, considering what he is going throught... but my mind cant help to wonder what about when he is out of this phase... could we then date...

see what i meant by my stupidity i am willing to wait for him until he gets out of the phase, considering that when he gets out he will probably be interested in someone else then. so basically yes i know my chances with him are zero.

but i have a major advantage about me that can sometimes be a flaw, i am an optimist, as an optimist i see the best in things.... so i see yes there is still hope...

STOP!!!!!!!!!

look at what i am saying, i am already thinking about the future when i clearly dont know this guy... i even thought about his house, and sleeping in his wide chest while watching a movie, running together around the dubai marina or the beach, god u wanna know patethetic i am, i thought about to get him out of his mood as a friend i should take him somewhere nice by nice i didnt mean somke fancy resturant but somewhere where there is a view, maybe a deserted beach at night would where it would be me and him alone where he would let out all thats in him so that he could move on with his life.... i am planning 3 months in advance with a guy i just met once.... now aint i stupid? ... yes i am i know i am but the thing is how can i control my thoughts, keep myself busy... tried that.. it easier said than done...

when i said us men and in particularly me earilier i said that for a reason YOU are like me.... maybe i go extreme but we when we met guys we have all these expectations of him that we start to project them on to him, we start imagining him to be something he aint, or become something we arent for him, ...

luckily for me the second part is not true i am not changing for anybody i dont think anybody should change for anybody... if you want to make yourself better then make it because you see that there is chance for you to improve then thats why you should change, okay maybe i am smart after all.

anyway on him, i am confused because i know i should not be thinking of him that way and i know i am more than glad to have this person in a circle of friends, because of the same qualities i am attracted to him for which includes respect.

anyway enough of my blabbing now i think i am becoming repetitive


God Bless my sanity for the next days,
S.