Post Deleted, as i might have given him the link to my other blog " The Gay Chronicles"
http://thegaycrhonicles.blogspot.com/, just got to scared if he actually might find it
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
20 Something: another weekend in dubai
so the weekend starts yet again like last time when i met him it starts with a down note... lack of friends lack of things to do, just called on my few freinds and he is taking me out with his straight friends to some straight bar in dubai, where according to him i have to be in on my best behaviour.... appearantly i have a talent of turning any conversation into sexual, i am exhbitionist and well i speak before i think.. so i am very outspoken... all of which i thought are good qualities of me, (pouring a glass of champign for myself)... the thing is i dont want to sound like an arrogant self-obessed narcistic boy... which i am not, but i really really do love myself the way i am, i consider myself mature for my age (24) i have been through alot career wise and personal life wise, i have met alot of interesting people in my life, i believe you mature by learning from others and applying these lessons on yourself .... yes there is something about me that i need to change and that is talking about sex and being offensive, alot of people dont like me from first time, thats a known fact, ask any of my best friends or people i have dated, they would tell you they couldnt stand me the frist two times we meet .... well its becuase i like to keep conversation light and i really dont want to expose how nerotic, sweet, kind, or lets what another friend said about yeah.... a cuddly teddy bear filled with cream, i dont like to appear as vulnerable person, i know we all our insecurities, so i hide them by talking about sex,,,, and havent we learnt from TV, and Music Videos that sex sells!! if i talk about politics and economics and believe me i am very well good at talking at those a person will believe i am tooo deep, if i talk about arts, which i love i dont know all artist but i just like art, makes me too artsy, so i dont know i just revert to sex, and then appear as a slut... that combined with me being an exhibitionist !!! which i have no problem in confessing or just showing....
so tonight i have to be on my best behavoir ... so what i am suppose to do ... put away my glass of champign what i am suppose to wear i have to be straight acting!!! i hate that term straight acting.... because as the term applies its acting!! i dont believe in straight acting.. i believe in fem and butch. and either or i believe you are suppose to be who you are .... He.. (the guy i have been talking about for the past two weeks who i am NOT going out with today) is himself he is not butch... he is not fem... he is just a normal gay guy.... whatever normal is...
speaking of him, i think he is going through a tough time now even worse than before specially that he did something last tuesday, and i think well he is very emotional and he wont show it,... and now eventhough i like him reality is starting to hit me, the question is could we date, how we would be like if we date, would he take me out with his friends, would i introduce him to my superficial freinds, who i like on hi .. bye basis and party basis or to only of the only ones that i know here that hasnt been using me yet.... i had this dream of him last night... i had an island in the Dubai World Islands if you dont know what that is, its a group of man-made islands shaped like the world ... anyway i had scotland, and then we flew with my helicopter from his apartment building and went to my island, where later on i had a private party where Freddie La Grand, Tiesto, Trentomeller Deejayed, it was an invitation only party where only the invitiees would come by a yacht i have assigned for them, the party ended at 6 am and i asked him if he wants to sleep over or stay over he said stay over and we slept next to eachother (no sex) just cuddled and woke up and went skinny dipping... of course all this was a dream nothing more ... but i still cant stop thinking about him ... i tried to analyize the dream... the fact that i held the party was to try to do a gesture to cheer him up ... the fact that i didnt sleep with i mean not have sex with him could mean either i view him in a friendly way or that i view him in a more long term way (FROM TWO DATES) ... the truth and in reality i am viewing him in both ways....
oh welll i hope this weekend turns around like the last one i had when i met him, i hope it turns around because of him, that me and him do something nice,,,, i want to go out with him and play a game of squash... lets see if this might happen this weekend :)
Cheers,
S
so tonight i have to be on my best behavoir ... so what i am suppose to do ... put away my glass of champign what i am suppose to wear i have to be straight acting!!! i hate that term straight acting.... because as the term applies its acting!! i dont believe in straight acting.. i believe in fem and butch. and either or i believe you are suppose to be who you are .... He.. (the guy i have been talking about for the past two weeks who i am NOT going out with today) is himself he is not butch... he is not fem... he is just a normal gay guy.... whatever normal is...
speaking of him, i think he is going through a tough time now even worse than before specially that he did something last tuesday, and i think well he is very emotional and he wont show it,... and now eventhough i like him reality is starting to hit me, the question is could we date, how we would be like if we date, would he take me out with his friends, would i introduce him to my superficial freinds, who i like on hi .. bye basis and party basis or to only of the only ones that i know here that hasnt been using me yet.... i had this dream of him last night... i had an island in the Dubai World Islands if you dont know what that is, its a group of man-made islands shaped like the world ... anyway i had scotland, and then we flew with my helicopter from his apartment building and went to my island, where later on i had a private party where Freddie La Grand, Tiesto, Trentomeller Deejayed, it was an invitation only party where only the invitiees would come by a yacht i have assigned for them, the party ended at 6 am and i asked him if he wants to sleep over or stay over he said stay over and we slept next to eachother (no sex) just cuddled and woke up and went skinny dipping... of course all this was a dream nothing more ... but i still cant stop thinking about him ... i tried to analyize the dream... the fact that i held the party was to try to do a gesture to cheer him up ... the fact that i didnt sleep with i mean not have sex with him could mean either i view him in a friendly way or that i view him in a more long term way (FROM TWO DATES) ... the truth and in reality i am viewing him in both ways....
oh welll i hope this weekend turns around like the last one i had when i met him, i hope it turns around because of him, that me and him do something nice,,,, i want to go out with him and play a game of squash... lets see if this might happen this weekend :)
Cheers,
S
Monday, October 22, 2007
20 Something: wanna come out
okayi am not curred i am still have a crush on him, even stronger, .... went without with him for the second time tonight i just enjoy talking to him i feel like i never want to stop talking and asking him, yet i feel he thinks that i am a bit young, and not to mention he is still not well ready to date, at least he says so, but i do believe him, he is an honest and i dont think he would lie to me, i want to come out, not come out of the closet, i am already out of that but i want to come out to him in the sense i want to confess my feelings, but i am afraid to knowing that one he is not ready that two i will scare him off and loose the possibility of a great friend in a country like this, this is actually the thing i mostly i am afraid of....
today as we finished the movie had dinner, after we ordered the bill, we stayed for a while after the bill until the resturant was closing, after we got to my car in the parking lot i drove him to his car which was like 30 meters away and after i did we stayed in my car for another 15 minutes just talking and i felt i saw his hand on the door handle a couple of times but everytime he seems to be more interested in staying more to talk and to me guys that is highest form of romanticism even if he didnt mean it in that way but to me romanticism is more about the small things like this.... and the more he does it the more i like him but now as i am sure i like him and i want date him but the friendship prospect is also there, fuck i dont know i am jsut confused i mean i know what i want i just dont know how to deal with it and i am confused about how would he deal with it....
you know what i think would be funny if we hook up a month from now and he reads this later.. or if we dont hook up and he reads this
S.
today as we finished the movie had dinner, after we ordered the bill, we stayed for a while after the bill until the resturant was closing, after we got to my car in the parking lot i drove him to his car which was like 30 meters away and after i did we stayed in my car for another 15 minutes just talking and i felt i saw his hand on the door handle a couple of times but everytime he seems to be more interested in staying more to talk and to me guys that is highest form of romanticism even if he didnt mean it in that way but to me romanticism is more about the small things like this.... and the more he does it the more i like him but now as i am sure i like him and i want date him but the friendship prospect is also there, fuck i dont know i am jsut confused i mean i know what i want i just dont know how to deal with it and i am confused about how would he deal with it....
you know what i think would be funny if we hook up a month from now and he reads this later.. or if we dont hook up and he reads this
S.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
20 something: recovered
yeay i am back to my normal self, woke up today feeling not obessed about him any more ... i decided that i am crazy to think the way i do and most importantly its unfair to him so i have decided too stop my obessive attitude towards and just let things take course and wahtever happens i am happy either case...
I AM CURED
haha,
S.
I AM CURED
haha,
S.
Friday, October 19, 2007
20 Something: On Discussions with myself
Ok you must be lucky two blogs in one day!!! i am so in the mood of writing partly because i usually write when i down or confused or just not feeling right. and right now i am ultra confused and for the first time not about what a guy thinks but what about i think. let me introduce you to my method of my thinking right i am going to type everything in my head, i will write about discussions with my self. i guess my two gemini twins are having an arguement
if you have been following my blogs for a while you would have known in the past three weeks alot has happened for me, decision to drink less decision to stop one night stands and date people and meeting HIM. and after i met him things have been a bit wierd for me.
started off with a crush on him and total infatuation from just a one meet and greet, to knowing that he is not ready to date at the moment for personal reason i dont wish to expose. then to having another chat with him after waiting two weeks for him to pop up online
we men or particularly me, could be so stupid when it comes to men, i mean who do you know that would log in daily at certain times to check to see if he is online just to get a chance to chat with him for a week, if it was any other guys in my shoes they would have probably just forgotten all about it by now... but not me!!! why do i that i dont understand, isnt becuase i am incapable of controlling myself or my emotions or my acts? maybe...
so yes we had a nice chat today, and as i mentioned in todays earlier blog that this guy is well i dont know how to say other than perfect on paper... the only question remaining is he for me, is their chemistry, will me and him ever go on a date or just be friends ... or even worse... just phase out. well from his side its clear he is interested in the friendship zone. which to me makes perfect sense, considering what he is going throught... but my mind cant help to wonder what about when he is out of this phase... could we then date...
see what i meant by my stupidity i am willing to wait for him until he gets out of the phase, considering that when he gets out he will probably be interested in someone else then. so basically yes i know my chances with him are zero.
but i have a major advantage about me that can sometimes be a flaw, i am an optimist, as an optimist i see the best in things.... so i see yes there is still hope...
STOP!!!!!!!!!
look at what i am saying, i am already thinking about the future when i clearly dont know this guy... i even thought about his house, and sleeping in his wide chest while watching a movie, running together around the dubai marina or the beach, god u wanna know patethetic i am, i thought about to get him out of his mood as a friend i should take him somewhere nice by nice i didnt mean somke fancy resturant but somewhere where there is a view, maybe a deserted beach at night would where it would be me and him alone where he would let out all thats in him so that he could move on with his life.... i am planning 3 months in advance with a guy i just met once.... now aint i stupid? ... yes i am i know i am but the thing is how can i control my thoughts, keep myself busy... tried that.. it easier said than done...
when i said us men and in particularly me earilier i said that for a reason YOU are like me.... maybe i go extreme but we when we met guys we have all these expectations of him that we start to project them on to him, we start imagining him to be something he aint, or become something we arent for him, ...
luckily for me the second part is not true i am not changing for anybody i dont think anybody should change for anybody... if you want to make yourself better then make it because you see that there is chance for you to improve then thats why you should change, okay maybe i am smart after all.
anyway on him, i am confused because i know i should not be thinking of him that way and i know i am more than glad to have this person in a circle of friends, because of the same qualities i am attracted to him for which includes respect.
anyway enough of my blabbing now i think i am becoming repetitive
God Bless my sanity for the next days,
S.
if you have been following my blogs for a while you would have known in the past three weeks alot has happened for me, decision to drink less decision to stop one night stands and date people and meeting HIM. and after i met him things have been a bit wierd for me.
started off with a crush on him and total infatuation from just a one meet and greet, to knowing that he is not ready to date at the moment for personal reason i dont wish to expose. then to having another chat with him after waiting two weeks for him to pop up online
we men or particularly me, could be so stupid when it comes to men, i mean who do you know that would log in daily at certain times to check to see if he is online just to get a chance to chat with him for a week, if it was any other guys in my shoes they would have probably just forgotten all about it by now... but not me!!! why do i that i dont understand, isnt becuase i am incapable of controlling myself or my emotions or my acts? maybe...
so yes we had a nice chat today, and as i mentioned in todays earlier blog that this guy is well i dont know how to say other than perfect on paper... the only question remaining is he for me, is their chemistry, will me and him ever go on a date or just be friends ... or even worse... just phase out. well from his side its clear he is interested in the friendship zone. which to me makes perfect sense, considering what he is going throught... but my mind cant help to wonder what about when he is out of this phase... could we then date...
see what i meant by my stupidity i am willing to wait for him until he gets out of the phase, considering that when he gets out he will probably be interested in someone else then. so basically yes i know my chances with him are zero.
but i have a major advantage about me that can sometimes be a flaw, i am an optimist, as an optimist i see the best in things.... so i see yes there is still hope...
STOP!!!!!!!!!
look at what i am saying, i am already thinking about the future when i clearly dont know this guy... i even thought about his house, and sleeping in his wide chest while watching a movie, running together around the dubai marina or the beach, god u wanna know patethetic i am, i thought about to get him out of his mood as a friend i should take him somewhere nice by nice i didnt mean somke fancy resturant but somewhere where there is a view, maybe a deserted beach at night would where it would be me and him alone where he would let out all thats in him so that he could move on with his life.... i am planning 3 months in advance with a guy i just met once.... now aint i stupid? ... yes i am i know i am but the thing is how can i control my thoughts, keep myself busy... tried that.. it easier said than done...
when i said us men and in particularly me earilier i said that for a reason YOU are like me.... maybe i go extreme but we when we met guys we have all these expectations of him that we start to project them on to him, we start imagining him to be something he aint, or become something we arent for him, ...
luckily for me the second part is not true i am not changing for anybody i dont think anybody should change for anybody... if you want to make yourself better then make it because you see that there is chance for you to improve then thats why you should change, okay maybe i am smart after all.
anyway on him, i am confused because i know i should not be thinking of him that way and i know i am more than glad to have this person in a circle of friends, because of the same qualities i am attracted to him for which includes respect.
anyway enough of my blabbing now i think i am becoming repetitive
God Bless my sanity for the next days,
S.
20 Something: I am Mental
okay i was going to write about oh how well was last night going out with my brother and his friends after me being out to him, not to his friends though, and how awkward when of his girlfriend gave a homophobic remark.... and how i am glad that i am out of university and how my dream of being forever 21 has been gone into smokes .... but no today i am going to write about him again...
yesterday i spoke with AK, author of the The Affirmation Blog (http://glamnflash.blogspot.com/) and well we talked about him, and how i knew it wont go anywhere pre-hand and how well we make preceptions about a guy, and create a make-belief world where we could imagine our lives with this guy just based on how we want it before we really get a chance to know a guy... it was interesting talk, helped me get grounded a bit and more excited of a prospect of a new friendship with this man, HIM.
But then he logged online again i think i did everything against not flirting with him, i told him how great he is well the context was different, it wasnt just pure boosting his ego... it had something to deal with something personal he was going through, but i realized as i was telling him that ... that this guy is the ideal catch, he is everything a man wants in another man. highly senstive yet highly butch, highly masculine yet highly confortable with his sexuality, and there is chemistry at least from what i think ... i dont get bored from at all from talking to him, i am like stuck to my chair not moving when chatting with him on msn i dont want to even take bathroom breaks afraid to disrupt the thought and the chat ... the more he talks the more i discover about him.. one of the things that shocked me is that he is highly senstive, and well that he takes time to use this organ between our two ears in our skull (the brain incase you dont watch grey anatomy or House MD)to think about his own emotions, and also how hurt he is...
AK told me that there is a pattern with me that he sees ( i dont ) that i tend to get attracted to guys who need mending kinda like whats her face from House MD, where she always tries to fix broken people... and i am trying to mend him. i dont think that is nessacirly true with him. i am genuinly attracted to him, but i am also smart enough to know that this guy is not ready for dating ... he clearly isnt he has some issues to get over first. and right now i have this feeling that i want to be there for him to help him get over it... dont know why ...maybe later he will get attracted to me and fall for me.... maybe because he is just what will prove to be a great person to have as a friend that one day that i myself can find someone in a the new country i am in dubai (been there for 8 month which is still consdered me as new) to talk to.
oh well it seems that me too need to figure out somethings, .... but thats the beauty of not rushing things it gives you time for letting things take their course naturally with out trying to force it in one direction
oh by the way i am as i am writing this blog i am listening to the new song by kylie ( 2 hearts )
so till next post as kylie says "2 hearts are beating together"
S.
yesterday i spoke with AK, author of the The Affirmation Blog (http://glamnflash.blogspot.com/) and well we talked about him, and how i knew it wont go anywhere pre-hand and how well we make preceptions about a guy, and create a make-belief world where we could imagine our lives with this guy just based on how we want it before we really get a chance to know a guy... it was interesting talk, helped me get grounded a bit and more excited of a prospect of a new friendship with this man, HIM.
But then he logged online again i think i did everything against not flirting with him, i told him how great he is well the context was different, it wasnt just pure boosting his ego... it had something to deal with something personal he was going through, but i realized as i was telling him that ... that this guy is the ideal catch, he is everything a man wants in another man. highly senstive yet highly butch, highly masculine yet highly confortable with his sexuality, and there is chemistry at least from what i think ... i dont get bored from at all from talking to him, i am like stuck to my chair not moving when chatting with him on msn i dont want to even take bathroom breaks afraid to disrupt the thought and the chat ... the more he talks the more i discover about him.. one of the things that shocked me is that he is highly senstive, and well that he takes time to use this organ between our two ears in our skull (the brain incase you dont watch grey anatomy or House MD)to think about his own emotions, and also how hurt he is...
AK told me that there is a pattern with me that he sees ( i dont ) that i tend to get attracted to guys who need mending kinda like whats her face from House MD, where she always tries to fix broken people... and i am trying to mend him. i dont think that is nessacirly true with him. i am genuinly attracted to him, but i am also smart enough to know that this guy is not ready for dating ... he clearly isnt he has some issues to get over first. and right now i have this feeling that i want to be there for him to help him get over it... dont know why ...maybe later he will get attracted to me and fall for me.... maybe because he is just what will prove to be a great person to have as a friend that one day that i myself can find someone in a the new country i am in dubai (been there for 8 month which is still consdered me as new) to talk to.
oh well it seems that me too need to figure out somethings, .... but thats the beauty of not rushing things it gives you time for letting things take their course naturally with out trying to force it in one direction
oh by the way i am as i am writing this blog i am listening to the new song by kylie ( 2 hearts )
so till next post as kylie says "2 hearts are beating together"
S.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
20 Something: no title
Fast forward to now. so i got an sms from him saying that he is not interested in dating
crap. .... actually not crap.. because i did have my feelings that he isnt, and the best part he was honest about it, like all i had to do is a simle flirt and see his responce and he was an honest guy, but he said the friends, thing, which knowing him since he is honest meant good, its hard to explain but its not easy to make new freinds in dubai and as much as it sounds like primary school attitude oh lets be friends... or do you want to be my new best friend... but the reality is dubai is like that. eventhough a lot of people grow in dubai, but however it seems the people that i know or met on gay dar or manjam mostly moved to dubai. so that means when you move to dubai you are really on your own, and you do want to make friends you do want to build circles and for some odd reason when we guys grow up its just so much more difficult to do than we were kids i guess...
okay so what does this mean... ?
it means the guy is great and honest and i have lots of respect for him, and i hope he doesnt read this blog, because if he does he will think i am obessed with him, which i am not, but i have respect for him, and that makes me want to have a guy like this in life or whether as a friend or well friend ;-)
the reason why no title, for this becuase at the moment i am speachless, oh i guess i am still keeping my celibate life for a while... since the prospect of even dating a guy is off the table... and i really still feel strongly about keeping my celibate life till i date someone by celibate i mean no one night stands.. just when i date a guy i will then start (well if any of my people know me)... well explode..
..... welcome to my life.
S.
crap. .... actually not crap.. because i did have my feelings that he isnt, and the best part he was honest about it, like all i had to do is a simle flirt and see his responce and he was an honest guy, but he said the friends, thing, which knowing him since he is honest meant good, its hard to explain but its not easy to make new freinds in dubai and as much as it sounds like primary school attitude oh lets be friends... or do you want to be my new best friend... but the reality is dubai is like that. eventhough a lot of people grow in dubai, but however it seems the people that i know or met on gay dar or manjam mostly moved to dubai. so that means when you move to dubai you are really on your own, and you do want to make friends you do want to build circles and for some odd reason when we guys grow up its just so much more difficult to do than we were kids i guess...
okay so what does this mean... ?
it means the guy is great and honest and i have lots of respect for him, and i hope he doesnt read this blog, because if he does he will think i am obessed with him, which i am not, but i have respect for him, and that makes me want to have a guy like this in life or whether as a friend or well friend ;-)
the reason why no title, for this becuase at the moment i am speachless, oh i guess i am still keeping my celibate life for a while... since the prospect of even dating a guy is off the table... and i really still feel strongly about keeping my celibate life till i date someone by celibate i mean no one night stands.. just when i date a guy i will then start (well if any of my people know me)... well explode..
..... welcome to my life.
S.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
20 Something: on being mugged
mmmm yea i was basically getting on a taxi from a crappy night out in crappie costa coffee... and then while i was in the taxi i got well a knife pointed at me, empty my pockets, the guy took my phones, the money in the wallet he was decent enough to keep my my wallet and the cards in it... he took my tag huer watch that i got from my father a s present might i add its probably the only present that dad got for me... so it was a bit more valuable that 2000$ tag price it had on it ... here is me being silly, when i was being mugged i asked the guy if i could at least just jot down some important numbers from my phone, you know which number i wanted, fuck all the work contacts, they are all over my outlook, fuck all my friends contacts they are all on msn and facebook and what ever means, i just wanted his number, him. the guy that i only went on one date with and yet for some odd reason one week and 2 days on i still cant stop thinking about him daily. nor not stop smsing him, well at least i cooled down with the smses towards him even before the mugging i am like sending an sms every two days if it was upto me i would be calling every minute ... i just want to get know him mroe to know if my crush on his valid or not.... is it just pure sexual crush, eventhough out of the three dreams i have about him only one included sexual and not much sexual other than me teasing him and touching his bits. oh well i done what i should do sent him a message on manjam and now awaiting a reply from him... see even when i was being mugged i was thinking of a guy that i met once ....i think i am becoming crazy he better n0t be reading this blog ... lol
Friday, October 12, 2007
20 Something: One Week onwards
Its been one week exactly since i met him, i dont know i still have this warm fuzzy feeling that i met him, however i think i am not picking up a vibe that he is not interested. but i might be wrong. i just cant help to recap on previous dates that i had, guys who shown me that they are interested in less than a week i lost interest in them in two days to follow. but more importantly it cant stop me to recap with TIM.
to people who dont know who my Tim is, let me tell you, summer of 2001 in sydney i went there to visit my father, and ended up on gay.com and met up with this guy called tim, we met up, he took me out for a dinner in an italian resturant on oxford street (the gay street) then met up with a couple of his friends, then well i have a very self consious part about my belly but somehow while we were his friends in stonewall bar/club he slid his hands under my belly and started like rubbing it and then leant in and kissed me. it was my first kiss. i could totally say i was in love in first kiss. previous to this all i did was softcore sex with guys but never have i kissed a guy. i was 18.
the thing about tim during when i met him i use to go to canberra alot so i wont be in sydney sometimes, so i used to call him alot, actually for a period of two weeks i use to call him almost twice a day, i wasa addicted to him, which kind of put him off, but then somehow i stopped calling for 5 days or so, it was then when he got interest in me, anyway fast forward two month i wasnt with him in a relationship as a matter of fact i was never in a relationship but he is the closet i consider to one, the only reason why we werent in one was becuase i only lived in sydney during the summer breaks.
how does Tim remind me of him?or how does him remind me of tim?
well Tim was a smart ambitious, hot, and more importantly hated liers and was true to himself, and has had his share of life. but more importantly the feeling that i felt when tim kissed me for the first time is the same feeling i have had when we had this talk, i know it sounds like an obessisive behaviour but can one really control how he felt. and now that one week has passed my feeling is kind of the same hence me actually still writing about him. but i know this guy well not too well but i know he is not the kind of guy who would take his time before getting to interested in a guy, so i have not to tell him how exactly i feel so i dont end up scaring him... but just hint at it. oh well boys it was worth a try, and did i mention i hardly masterbated since i met him, because of the brain orgasm i got with him... :)
Regards,
S
to people who dont know who my Tim is, let me tell you, summer of 2001 in sydney i went there to visit my father, and ended up on gay.com and met up with this guy called tim, we met up, he took me out for a dinner in an italian resturant on oxford street (the gay street) then met up with a couple of his friends, then well i have a very self consious part about my belly but somehow while we were his friends in stonewall bar/club he slid his hands under my belly and started like rubbing it and then leant in and kissed me. it was my first kiss. i could totally say i was in love in first kiss. previous to this all i did was softcore sex with guys but never have i kissed a guy. i was 18.
the thing about tim during when i met him i use to go to canberra alot so i wont be in sydney sometimes, so i used to call him alot, actually for a period of two weeks i use to call him almost twice a day, i wasa addicted to him, which kind of put him off, but then somehow i stopped calling for 5 days or so, it was then when he got interest in me, anyway fast forward two month i wasnt with him in a relationship as a matter of fact i was never in a relationship but he is the closet i consider to one, the only reason why we werent in one was becuase i only lived in sydney during the summer breaks.
how does Tim remind me of him?or how does him remind me of tim?
well Tim was a smart ambitious, hot, and more importantly hated liers and was true to himself, and has had his share of life. but more importantly the feeling that i felt when tim kissed me for the first time is the same feeling i have had when we had this talk, i know it sounds like an obessisive behaviour but can one really control how he felt. and now that one week has passed my feeling is kind of the same hence me actually still writing about him. but i know this guy well not too well but i know he is not the kind of guy who would take his time before getting to interested in a guy, so i have not to tell him how exactly i feel so i dont end up scaring him... but just hint at it. oh well boys it was worth a try, and did i mention i hardly masterbated since i met him, because of the brain orgasm i got with him... :)
Regards,
S
Monday, October 8, 2007
20 Something: Back in Cairo
okay i will keep this short, its a mere extension of the earlier blog...
Night 4 of my celibacy vow actually to think of it i havent had sex in 8 days and havent masterbated since i met him. somehow the brain orgasm i had with him has made me more than entertained to think about sex... (well okay i lied i had sexual dream of him, BUT DID NOT WANK OFF)
very normal today, woke up not in an average mood, today is the day i have the walk with my brother about me comming out,
(Phone check in the morninig no smses from him (the guy not my brother))
anyway head off to the plane and listening to a select of songs of which one taht i reallly love Relax by Mika , plane takes have a ocuple drinks then plane lands switch on phone
SMS From him, oh isnt he a a nice guy, he is so sweet as usuall but not flirtious, which is something i like but hate i dont have any signals from him yet, but thats in the same time what i like because as long as their is negative signals thats good and in addition i would want to take things slow .... ever hear of easy come easy go... but most importantly i want to get know him more and i want him to get know me more, my classic mistake with guys. is i dont give them a chance to get to know me, or more like i dont get the chance, according to my friends, my frist impressions on guys are not that great so they dont really get a chance to know me that well, my friends tell me that i should take things slow as they say i give the worst first impression especially the clingy needy crap when i am really not.
anyway got back to my brother place mom and everyone was there me and my brother said hi hugged and so forth (we talked over the phone but still havent talked face to face about me being gay)
so after all of taht me and brother went for a walk that was like a a 2 hour walk... (TALK ABOUT GOOD EXERSICE THAT I MUCH NEED... ) well it went really well, he did bring up teh religious issue but not in the way i expected it he was like we want argue religion because well both cant claim to be scholars in it, and that he doesnt have false hopes for me changing and that he is supportive of it but obviously not like the excited but i think its just something by time it will sink in and it was one of the first time me and him have such a deep talk. it felt really great. it was like akhhh
and about my celibacy thing, well i logged on manjam curious about what is in egypt and so forth not hunting sex, somehow when i looked at the profile i just got this repulsive thing, not because they are ugly some of them are actually cute but its just the same people that was here before plus the new boomers... and i also did not send any message so that was another good move so far i am sexually content.... i felt like calling him to tell him about my news.. but i decided against it, its 3am.
Regards,
S.
i love my brother
Night 4 of my celibacy vow actually to think of it i havent had sex in 8 days and havent masterbated since i met him. somehow the brain orgasm i had with him has made me more than entertained to think about sex... (well okay i lied i had sexual dream of him, BUT DID NOT WANK OFF)
very normal today, woke up not in an average mood, today is the day i have the walk with my brother about me comming out,
(Phone check in the morninig no smses from him (the guy not my brother))
anyway head off to the plane and listening to a select of songs of which one taht i reallly love Relax by Mika , plane takes have a ocuple drinks then plane lands switch on phone
SMS From him, oh isnt he a a nice guy, he is so sweet as usuall but not flirtious, which is something i like but hate i dont have any signals from him yet, but thats in the same time what i like because as long as their is negative signals thats good and in addition i would want to take things slow .... ever hear of easy come easy go... but most importantly i want to get know him more and i want him to get know me more, my classic mistake with guys. is i dont give them a chance to get to know me, or more like i dont get the chance, according to my friends, my frist impressions on guys are not that great so they dont really get a chance to know me that well, my friends tell me that i should take things slow as they say i give the worst first impression especially the clingy needy crap when i am really not.
anyway got back to my brother place mom and everyone was there me and my brother said hi hugged and so forth (we talked over the phone but still havent talked face to face about me being gay)
so after all of taht me and brother went for a walk that was like a a 2 hour walk... (TALK ABOUT GOOD EXERSICE THAT I MUCH NEED... ) well it went really well, he did bring up teh religious issue but not in the way i expected it he was like we want argue religion because well both cant claim to be scholars in it, and that he doesnt have false hopes for me changing and that he is supportive of it but obviously not like the excited but i think its just something by time it will sink in and it was one of the first time me and him have such a deep talk. it felt really great. it was like akhhh
and about my celibacy thing, well i logged on manjam curious about what is in egypt and so forth not hunting sex, somehow when i looked at the profile i just got this repulsive thing, not because they are ugly some of them are actually cute but its just the same people that was here before plus the new boomers... and i also did not send any message so that was another good move so far i am sexually content.... i felt like calling him to tell him about my news.. but i decided against it, its 3am.
Regards,
S.
i love my brother
Sunday, October 7, 2007
20 Something: On the Weekend, (The Guy & Comming out)
oh my god what a crazy weekend (coming out to family meeting a guy work going good) , as you guys know or read in my previous post on my vow to celibacy till i date a guy and actually find him interesting then maybe kiss, i am also going through an anti sex where i just want to do the cuddle (yea u guys can make as much fun as u wan, i use to make fun of vanilla cuddly loving people, i was like if there was no cock in the ass then its not considered physical).
anyway maybe i should rewind back sunday 30th septemeber
on sunday 3oth of sept, i had a "date" with a guy who just came to my house and after 1 hour of well small interesting talk ... he was a guy with ambition. we started having sex and i might have accidentally dropped poppers in his nose, and now he hates me.
on monday 1st of october, i met this italian guy that i saw before he is a nice guy a really nice guy sweet, tender, and has emotions so it was like our second date, had an amazing dinner, then coffee and a walk, flirtious, .. went back to my home... but i think well as much as he is a nice guy as much as he is mature, as much there might be chemistry, and alot of respect goes to him, but i dont think its not the enough, it might be early to judge but i usually know these things earlier and i dont think we are going to work out
Tuesday, 2nd of october, loads of work, manjam/gaydar hunting... no progress
Wednesday 3rd of october, loads of 20 messages sent on gaydar and manjam and upgraded my manjam status to paying member so i can send more message (how fucking desperate)
Thursday , 4th of october,
Friends are busy, finished worked early, did the gym, sat watched TV, sent another batch of gaydar/manjam messages, no replies by 9ish 10 ish nothing so i was like fuck this online thing and i really wanted at this time to go on date i mean no sex just date just movie just something like that, so updated my manjam profile thinking that i probably wont get a message, then i popped up a bottle of champign, started drinking and watching HOUSE M.D. series, and that was the end of the day i get a message from an absolute hottie, but what was more interesting his message, i am not going to say what it was but i could say one thing IT DID NOT INCLUDE SEX OFFER OR HOW BIG MY DICK WAS OR "HEY THIS IS MY NUMNER", it was just clean decent messages, moved it to msn and if i remember correctly it was a really interesting chat then he said "can i ask you a question" .... i was like mmm shit i really really really hope he is not going to ask the TOP/BTTM or Dick Size question, ... but he asked me pyscological question which made me smile, stop the house MD turn on the music and start chatting with him, drink at a slower pace.
little by little we chatted for 4-5 hours, of which i was totally impressed by it, it was like the cleanest chat i ever i had,
Friday, 5th of October (The Greet & Meet)
came back from some errands at around 6ish bumped into my mystery guy again online casually suggested that we meet up for coffee on a movie, no expectation just coffee and a movie
so it was not a date, and well he agreed easily, usually with guys that i ask for that, they go with the whole excuse of being busy when they are not, or arguing for half an hour, it was just like simple and easy like it should be
meet up with the guy, i saw him, my jaws dropped, i was like okay this guy is 50 Times hotter than me, i am sure he would go and say sorry i have something to do later.but instead we did have our tea/coffee... then the movie..
when the movie finish i really didnt want him to leave i wanted to get know this guy more i was out of excuses to spend more time, the guy had dinner before the movie, well guess what he asked if i was hungry ... i was like wow, then okay because i dont like driving when i am going somewhere far or just not in the mood so i took a taxi to the meeting place, and he offered to drive me home (i was like oh that is nice) he did and i invited to come up stairs and he did we watched another movie..
but here is the thing we didnt touch, kiss, have sex, during the whole 6 hours, for some reason i didnt mind that (i usually do) okay obviously i had a crush on this guy, and i did want some verification from him, and i might have slept and dreamt of me touching his thing.
Saturday the 6th of October ( My vow)
so what is all this stuff about my celibacy vow, that i wrote on my earlier post and what the hell is this comming out, we thought u already are out to ur friends..
well lets start the day from the beginning, there are some little moments that in your life that you feel are life defining even it might seem in significant for others, Tim taught me how to feel, F. taught me not to trust, S. taught me to take it easy. basicall you learn from people and yourself and experiances and it is important to when you see something important that will self imporve you learn from it and dont just ignore it.
so yes i told you friday night i had this dream about the guy, i woke up realizing i eventhough i would reallu like to go with this guy on date, not sure if he would want that not even in my head, when ever my minds starts to think, it thinks that he wont be interested in me as a datable guy but you know what and i know i have said this before but this is a guy who i truly would be more than happy if he is not interested in dating to be on friendly level... and good friendly not the dubai friendly we have... here. because honestly boys/men/undecided/ladies/girls how many people taht you know in this country in dubai that are honest, genuine, decent, respectful, understanding, mature and has more than 1 brain cell. mmm if you do point them to my direction as i am a new person in dubai with not that much friends. okay so you get my idea... anyway this is something i will probably discover more when i get back to egypt... but what have i got from this experiance
there are men out there who are decent, proof i met one, there are men out there who are not just interested in sex, proof i just met one, there are men out there who are not all about the gay scene and clubbing, proof i have met one, there are datable people (even it wasnt this guy who was interested in me but the fact there are other people out there who are datable) so i have decided that combined with my my sunday and monday dates, that well just always turn out to be sex where i am just doing to be in some sort of competitin and the next time i met the "friends" i will talk about how much ass and dick i got. that i dont want to have just sex, i dont have sex on first dates, because well that ruins everything, it just becomes lustious and just focused on the sex and not on the personality and true nature of the person... with sex blood in dick not in brain. and hence my vow to celibacy... and about this guy... i dont think i will write more about than this to respect his privacy and so what of that but i just wanted to get the background of how i got the reason for celibacy.
so that was end of satuday
Saturday 7th of october (the coming out)
okay day dreamed as i usually do about and well got a couple of sex offers on manjam and refused them, why is it when you decide not to have sex it gets shoved in your face, but when you are looking for it like Tueday/Wednesday sending over 40 Messages combined i get nothing.
but then around IFTAR time got a call from my no one else but my brother
Brother: what are you doing
s: i am having iftar...
Brother: okay i want to talk you about something
S: what
Brother: dad is complaining about you lifestyle (my brother doesnt know that i am, gay but he did ask me a year back a couple of times)
S: what, is he complaining about, i am working till late hours so is he going on about think that i am excessive out clubbing and so what of that ...
Brother: yes, he thinks you are hanging out with Whores and Fags,
s: how could he i mean seriously he never met my friends
Brother: i need to know everything about your life, i am your brother and please stop giving me this whole bullshit about personal and not we are family, we have to know (he doesnt know that i drink)
so after 30 minutes i admit that i drink and smoke cigerrates and experimented with drugs
but he wanst convinced yet thats everything until
s: that is everything what else do you think is there, what is the worst taht you expect
brother: nothing is bad, i have dealt with it all
s: you did ask me something a year ago, and you asked because you said you dont want to be worried so obviously there is something worst...
brother: are you hinting that you have tendencies
....
....
...
...
silence for a minute or it seemed like an hour
S: maybe
brother: okay will talk about when you get to egypt on monday.
s: okay
brother: have a good iftar, and try not to drink in ramadan (jokingly)
s: okay speak to you later
hangs up .. i cry i dont konw why ... did i come out to him what the hell is .. i cry a bit more, because i dont know what is going
to happen what is his reaction, okay now for sure he knows i am gay what the hell i am going to do (guys i am an arab for a normal arab family, GAY = death)
so i wipe my tears, without thinking pick up the phone dial a number, next thing i know i was dialling the guy that i think highly of from the meet and greet. he doesnt answer, usually at this time i will feel bad, but i just called my best friend in saudi and told him and he was like why the hell are you crying... and if anybody knows me i dont like keeping things out there open so i am like listen M. i am going to call you back later
so i call my brother and onething to another and i am out to him officeally and he accepted it completely and was supportive i dont really remember the exact details of the coming out conversation becuase well it was being higher than any drug that i ever experimented with and he sent me sweet smses i mean wow (oh and the guy called back 3 hours latters, which well again made my high ever higher)
so here was my weekend started off from being hunting for sex to changing to be wanting a serious relationship to be out to my brother. i mean it was the most perfect weekend of 2007 the weekend of the 5th to 7th of october 2007 will never be forgotton and is a memory burnt in my head, this is my coming out weekend. this is the new me. this is giong to be less of a slut boy and more of a mature man. after years of fighting the fact of wanting to be 18 forever and in university for ever, i am not glad that i am 24 and heading to my mid twenties and now want to be here forever (not going to hit 30!!!!)
thats my story....
S.
anyway maybe i should rewind back sunday 30th septemeber
on sunday 3oth of sept, i had a "date" with a guy who just came to my house and after 1 hour of well small interesting talk ... he was a guy with ambition. we started having sex and i might have accidentally dropped poppers in his nose, and now he hates me.
on monday 1st of october, i met this italian guy that i saw before he is a nice guy a really nice guy sweet, tender, and has emotions so it was like our second date, had an amazing dinner, then coffee and a walk, flirtious, .. went back to my home... but i think well as much as he is a nice guy as much as he is mature, as much there might be chemistry, and alot of respect goes to him, but i dont think its not the enough, it might be early to judge but i usually know these things earlier and i dont think we are going to work out
Tuesday, 2nd of october, loads of work, manjam/gaydar hunting... no progress
Wednesday 3rd of october, loads of 20 messages sent on gaydar and manjam and upgraded my manjam status to paying member so i can send more message (how fucking desperate)
Thursday , 4th of october,
Friends are busy, finished worked early, did the gym, sat watched TV, sent another batch of gaydar/manjam messages, no replies by 9ish 10 ish nothing so i was like fuck this online thing and i really wanted at this time to go on date i mean no sex just date just movie just something like that, so updated my manjam profile thinking that i probably wont get a message, then i popped up a bottle of champign, started drinking and watching HOUSE M.D. series, and that was the end of the day i get a message from an absolute hottie, but what was more interesting his message, i am not going to say what it was but i could say one thing IT DID NOT INCLUDE SEX OFFER OR HOW BIG MY DICK WAS OR "HEY THIS IS MY NUMNER", it was just clean decent messages, moved it to msn and if i remember correctly it was a really interesting chat then he said "can i ask you a question" .... i was like mmm shit i really really really hope he is not going to ask the TOP/BTTM or Dick Size question, ... but he asked me pyscological question which made me smile, stop the house MD turn on the music and start chatting with him, drink at a slower pace.
little by little we chatted for 4-5 hours, of which i was totally impressed by it, it was like the cleanest chat i ever i had,
Friday, 5th of October (The Greet & Meet)
came back from some errands at around 6ish bumped into my mystery guy again online casually suggested that we meet up for coffee on a movie, no expectation just coffee and a movie
so it was not a date, and well he agreed easily, usually with guys that i ask for that, they go with the whole excuse of being busy when they are not, or arguing for half an hour, it was just like simple and easy like it should be
meet up with the guy, i saw him, my jaws dropped, i was like okay this guy is 50 Times hotter than me, i am sure he would go and say sorry i have something to do later.but instead we did have our tea/coffee... then the movie..
when the movie finish i really didnt want him to leave i wanted to get know this guy more i was out of excuses to spend more time, the guy had dinner before the movie, well guess what he asked if i was hungry ... i was like wow, then okay because i dont like driving when i am going somewhere far or just not in the mood so i took a taxi to the meeting place, and he offered to drive me home (i was like oh that is nice) he did and i invited to come up stairs and he did we watched another movie..
but here is the thing we didnt touch, kiss, have sex, during the whole 6 hours, for some reason i didnt mind that (i usually do) okay obviously i had a crush on this guy, and i did want some verification from him, and i might have slept and dreamt of me touching his thing.
Saturday the 6th of October ( My vow)
so what is all this stuff about my celibacy vow, that i wrote on my earlier post and what the hell is this comming out, we thought u already are out to ur friends..
well lets start the day from the beginning, there are some little moments that in your life that you feel are life defining even it might seem in significant for others, Tim taught me how to feel, F. taught me not to trust, S. taught me to take it easy. basicall you learn from people and yourself and experiances and it is important to when you see something important that will self imporve you learn from it and dont just ignore it.
so yes i told you friday night i had this dream about the guy, i woke up realizing i eventhough i would reallu like to go with this guy on date, not sure if he would want that not even in my head, when ever my minds starts to think, it thinks that he wont be interested in me as a datable guy but you know what and i know i have said this before but this is a guy who i truly would be more than happy if he is not interested in dating to be on friendly level... and good friendly not the dubai friendly we have... here. because honestly boys/men/undecided/ladies/girls how many people taht you know in this country in dubai that are honest, genuine, decent, respectful, understanding, mature and has more than 1 brain cell. mmm if you do point them to my direction as i am a new person in dubai with not that much friends. okay so you get my idea... anyway this is something i will probably discover more when i get back to egypt... but what have i got from this experiance
there are men out there who are decent, proof i met one, there are men out there who are not just interested in sex, proof i just met one, there are men out there who are not all about the gay scene and clubbing, proof i have met one, there are datable people (even it wasnt this guy who was interested in me but the fact there are other people out there who are datable) so i have decided that combined with my my sunday and monday dates, that well just always turn out to be sex where i am just doing to be in some sort of competitin and the next time i met the "friends" i will talk about how much ass and dick i got. that i dont want to have just sex, i dont have sex on first dates, because well that ruins everything, it just becomes lustious and just focused on the sex and not on the personality and true nature of the person... with sex blood in dick not in brain. and hence my vow to celibacy... and about this guy... i dont think i will write more about than this to respect his privacy and so what of that but i just wanted to get the background of how i got the reason for celibacy.
so that was end of satuday
Saturday 7th of october (the coming out)
okay day dreamed as i usually do about and well got a couple of sex offers on manjam and refused them, why is it when you decide not to have sex it gets shoved in your face, but when you are looking for it like Tueday/Wednesday sending over 40 Messages combined i get nothing.
but then around IFTAR time got a call from my no one else but my brother
Brother: what are you doing
s: i am having iftar...
Brother: okay i want to talk you about something
S: what
Brother: dad is complaining about you lifestyle (my brother doesnt know that i am, gay but he did ask me a year back a couple of times)
S: what, is he complaining about, i am working till late hours so is he going on about think that i am excessive out clubbing and so what of that ...
Brother: yes, he thinks you are hanging out with Whores and Fags,
s: how could he i mean seriously he never met my friends
Brother: i need to know everything about your life, i am your brother and please stop giving me this whole bullshit about personal and not we are family, we have to know (he doesnt know that i drink)
so after 30 minutes i admit that i drink and smoke cigerrates and experimented with drugs
but he wanst convinced yet thats everything until
s: that is everything what else do you think is there, what is the worst taht you expect
brother: nothing is bad, i have dealt with it all
s: you did ask me something a year ago, and you asked because you said you dont want to be worried so obviously there is something worst...
brother: are you hinting that you have tendencies
....
....
...
...
silence for a minute or it seemed like an hour
S: maybe
brother: okay will talk about when you get to egypt on monday.
s: okay
brother: have a good iftar, and try not to drink in ramadan (jokingly)
s: okay speak to you later
hangs up .. i cry i dont konw why ... did i come out to him what the hell is .. i cry a bit more, because i dont know what is going
to happen what is his reaction, okay now for sure he knows i am gay what the hell i am going to do (guys i am an arab for a normal arab family, GAY = death)
so i wipe my tears, without thinking pick up the phone dial a number, next thing i know i was dialling the guy that i think highly of from the meet and greet. he doesnt answer, usually at this time i will feel bad, but i just called my best friend in saudi and told him and he was like why the hell are you crying... and if anybody knows me i dont like keeping things out there open so i am like listen M. i am going to call you back later
so i call my brother and onething to another and i am out to him officeally and he accepted it completely and was supportive i dont really remember the exact details of the coming out conversation becuase well it was being higher than any drug that i ever experimented with and he sent me sweet smses i mean wow (oh and the guy called back 3 hours latters, which well again made my high ever higher)
so here was my weekend started off from being hunting for sex to changing to be wanting a serious relationship to be out to my brother. i mean it was the most perfect weekend of 2007 the weekend of the 5th to 7th of october 2007 will never be forgotton and is a memory burnt in my head, this is my coming out weekend. this is the new me. this is giong to be less of a slut boy and more of a mature man. after years of fighting the fact of wanting to be 18 forever and in university for ever, i am not glad that i am 24 and heading to my mid twenties and now want to be here forever (not going to hit 30!!!!)
thats my story....
S.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
20 Something: On Gaydar/Manjam and my vow to Celibacy
wow i havent blogged since valentines day, so why i am back, where was i, i remember i had a succuesful a blog with loads of post on weekly basis
i guess stopped blogging as my life got really busy with work and alot of that, and even know its still fucked with work but i am learnging how to manage my time better now,
in the past 8 month i could say i have had alot of one night stands, and guys that i dated for a period of weeks each and did i mention that i moved to dubai, so that would include more drunken nights than the ones i had in saudi, but i think with in these 8 months i have changed, might even consider myself have a part of me matured if thats even possible.
so what is todays topic its gaydar and manjam community,
here in our part of the world, the middle east, we dont really get a chance to meet people in normal places, we have became dependent on meeting people from the internet sites like manjam profile, you even have people who are paying members of manjam and gaydar so that they have priority on to appear on the top of the whose online list or not to run out of messages (i am that kind of person). you reach a point where you meet a guy off there at least once a week, with the promise of a great fuck which sometimes turn to be that way while others just turn out a total bore.
however after a while which arab country you in you start noticing a trend, all of the men are complaining like me about the gaydar and manjam saying how much they hate it yet they still use it. we complain about how there is no one decent yet we ourselves are the ones who are looking for the one night stands, and not really ready to commit to date. we complain that on the first question with chat the guy always ask the the most horrible two question "size of your cock" and "top or bottom" ... and somehow everyone turns out to be a bottom no matter what people say (this is where you laugh) ... i guess what i am trying to say is that we are all alike more than 60% of the users online wants good decent dates, but it seems taht all 100% of them are complaining about that there doesnt exist, does that make any sense .... i mean i am man of science and logic and it doesnt make sense to me.
so where is the issue ... it is in us... it is in us claiming that we want something then doing something else. we claim we dates and we end up on night stands. at least i will be honest here thats true for me.... i have so far. i go on i am like guys i want dates and then almost always we go to coffee or they come over for a drink and no more than an hour naked and ass banging while sniffing poppers, i think my bed will be my witness. i justified this to myself by saying hey before i buy the car shall i not going it on a test drive, but usually the sex is good, its what is after the sex that is not good.
maybe i have it wrong i should be discovering the guys brains then trying the sex, i mean since almost most of the time the sex is good and i have a friend who told me the sex is so much better when you know the person well (that is my famous TIM, for new readers of the blog, thats the one guy that had the most effect on my life and that i am thankful and will forever love as my dearest friend and will always trust with anything)
so based on this assumption i am have decided following:
1. NO MORE SEX DATES
2. NO MORE ONE NIGHT STANDS
3. NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH A GUY ON A FIRST DATE OR EVEN KISS
4. NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH GUYS ON SECOND DATES
5. MAYBE ON THIRD DATES.
6. WONT SLEEP WITH A GUY UNLESS I AM SURE HE IS A PERSON THAT I COULD CONTINUE ON DATING
7. LESS ALCOHOL CONSUMPTIONS
whats the point of rule 3-6 well its simple, i want to give myself time before sleeping with the guy to get actually get to know because once sex happens the whole dynamics of the date changes, all you want to do is sleep more and more and more and you hardly give yourself time, so why not get to know the person before you actually get to know him, trust me i think i think if you meet a right person that mind orgasms you more than physical orgasm you will care more about getting more of the mind orgasm rather than the sex (at least i am going through something similar now, at least just from my side, okay i am confused but wahtever, i am always confused)
reason for rule 7 well we all love alcohol but i think i might getting a problem where i might start reaching a point of becoming an alcoholic so that will have to stop that i dont want to be an alcoholic, plus too much drinking leads to a unhealthy body and makes me do stupid things like end up confessing my love or end up sending 50 messages on manjam looking for a one night stand which will contridict point 3-6
so boys to sum up the reason why we all complain about manjam and gaydar with blatent slogan "what you want when you want" is not because of everyone else out in the world is crap, what is important is that we notice that we are part of this everyone else which means, its because we ourselves need to change ourselves. we all are part of this interconnected web. and we have to make with the best we have, as we dont have the luxury of meeting someone in the nieghbourhood bar easily or maybe we do in some bars you know which ones i am talking about.
so guys enjoy and lets hope that i can keep the new vows i kept to myself i never know and will keep you updated in next week's blog
Regards,
S.
i guess stopped blogging as my life got really busy with work and alot of that, and even know its still fucked with work but i am learnging how to manage my time better now,
in the past 8 month i could say i have had alot of one night stands, and guys that i dated for a period of weeks each and did i mention that i moved to dubai, so that would include more drunken nights than the ones i had in saudi, but i think with in these 8 months i have changed, might even consider myself have a part of me matured if thats even possible.
so what is todays topic its gaydar and manjam community,
here in our part of the world, the middle east, we dont really get a chance to meet people in normal places, we have became dependent on meeting people from the internet sites like manjam profile, you even have people who are paying members of manjam and gaydar so that they have priority on to appear on the top of the whose online list or not to run out of messages (i am that kind of person). you reach a point where you meet a guy off there at least once a week, with the promise of a great fuck which sometimes turn to be that way while others just turn out a total bore.
however after a while which arab country you in you start noticing a trend, all of the men are complaining like me about the gaydar and manjam saying how much they hate it yet they still use it. we complain about how there is no one decent yet we ourselves are the ones who are looking for the one night stands, and not really ready to commit to date. we complain that on the first question with chat the guy always ask the the most horrible two question "size of your cock" and "top or bottom" ... and somehow everyone turns out to be a bottom no matter what people say (this is where you laugh) ... i guess what i am trying to say is that we are all alike more than 60% of the users online wants good decent dates, but it seems taht all 100% of them are complaining about that there doesnt exist, does that make any sense .... i mean i am man of science and logic and it doesnt make sense to me.
so where is the issue ... it is in us... it is in us claiming that we want something then doing something else. we claim we dates and we end up on night stands. at least i will be honest here thats true for me.... i have so far. i go on i am like guys i want dates and then almost always we go to coffee or they come over for a drink and no more than an hour naked and ass banging while sniffing poppers, i think my bed will be my witness. i justified this to myself by saying hey before i buy the car shall i not going it on a test drive, but usually the sex is good, its what is after the sex that is not good.
maybe i have it wrong i should be discovering the guys brains then trying the sex, i mean since almost most of the time the sex is good and i have a friend who told me the sex is so much better when you know the person well (that is my famous TIM, for new readers of the blog, thats the one guy that had the most effect on my life and that i am thankful and will forever love as my dearest friend and will always trust with anything)
so based on this assumption i am have decided following:
1. NO MORE SEX DATES
2. NO MORE ONE NIGHT STANDS
3. NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH A GUY ON A FIRST DATE OR EVEN KISS
4. NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH GUYS ON SECOND DATES
5. MAYBE ON THIRD DATES.
6. WONT SLEEP WITH A GUY UNLESS I AM SURE HE IS A PERSON THAT I COULD CONTINUE ON DATING
7. LESS ALCOHOL CONSUMPTIONS
whats the point of rule 3-6 well its simple, i want to give myself time before sleeping with the guy to get actually get to know because once sex happens the whole dynamics of the date changes, all you want to do is sleep more and more and more and you hardly give yourself time, so why not get to know the person before you actually get to know him, trust me i think i think if you meet a right person that mind orgasms you more than physical orgasm you will care more about getting more of the mind orgasm rather than the sex (at least i am going through something similar now, at least just from my side, okay i am confused but wahtever, i am always confused)
reason for rule 7 well we all love alcohol but i think i might getting a problem where i might start reaching a point of becoming an alcoholic so that will have to stop that i dont want to be an alcoholic, plus too much drinking leads to a unhealthy body and makes me do stupid things like end up confessing my love or end up sending 50 messages on manjam looking for a one night stand which will contridict point 3-6
so boys to sum up the reason why we all complain about manjam and gaydar with blatent slogan "what you want when you want" is not because of everyone else out in the world is crap, what is important is that we notice that we are part of this everyone else which means, its because we ourselves need to change ourselves. we all are part of this interconnected web. and we have to make with the best we have, as we dont have the luxury of meeting someone in the nieghbourhood bar easily or maybe we do in some bars you know which ones i am talking about.
so guys enjoy and lets hope that i can keep the new vows i kept to myself i never know and will keep you updated in next week's blog
Regards,
S.
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